It’s no surprise at my job (I work for a hearing aid business) that I deal mainly with the elderly population. It is a surprise, however, how much it has effected me over the past year. Almost every week a patient will tell me about his or her spouse passing away recently, or a new complication they have, or the worst…that this may be the last time I see them. I’ve never really been an overly affectionate person. In fact, I hate PDA, I rarely cry and I’d always rather high-five someone than hug them. But lately, I’ve developed this more
emotional sensitive side. I think the problem is is I’m not getting any younger and neither are the ones I love.
Last week, a gentleman told me how hard it is to do even the little things without his wife. He said making the bed without her is hard, eating breakfast alone hurts, and walking at the mall just isn’t the same as going for a walk with her. He left that day and I bawled my eyes out, thinking that could be my husband some day…or worse, me. To imagine my life without my husband is almost unbearable. Even the thought of not being able to call my mom everyday or see my dad or sister or nieces again is enough to make me sick to my stomach. A lot of times I just wish I could freeze things and stay this age forever. But then I remember there is much more to this life than always being young and full of life. The sole purpose of my being is to bring glory to my Lord and Savior.
I think I worry so much about losing those around me, because death is a hard pill to swallow no matter how young or old we are. It’s not easy saying goodbye to the people who were always there for us, who have supported us all our lives, and who taught us all that we know. I do know that no matter what may come in the future, God will provide for me and he will take care of me. He promises that to all who are faithful to him (Psalm 81:10). So all I have to worry about is living a life for Him. Making sure I love unconditionally, showing grace to those around me, and always trying to set an example for Christ. I pray that the Lord will continue to work in my heart and help me through this recent struggle of thinking losing those most precious to me would mean the end all happiness. As long as my happiness is found in Christ, I have nothing to worry about.
I’m so thankful for my job and all that I have (unexpectedly) learned. God is good.